Young Minds
My boys’ dad and I make a conscious effort not to say things like, you can be anything you want if you put your mind to it, or ask them what they want to be when they grow up. It isn’t because we don’t want them to learn how to focus and have goals or because we don’t want them to have dreams and aspirations. It is because we want them to understand that what they do now, who they are now is just as important as who they are becoming with each passing day. It is because we want them to focus on seeing themselves as successful and capable at every point in their lives. We want them to value all of their experiences and knowledge without thinking that they have to reach specific goals before they are are allowed to feel fulfilled.
Supporting Curiosity
What he and I do say to them are the things like, I am glad you have an interest in that, if it is something you really enjoy, we can see about getting more involved, or you seem to really enjoy that, you are doing a great job learning and if you would like to learn more, daddy and I will work on finding more opportunities for you have a chance to explore and improve your skills.
Of course we want them to understand that in order to master something they must practice, have patience, be motivated and be willing to pursue their goal despite struggles, uncertainties and setbacks. We want them to be confident enough to believe they can master their desires. However, we don’t want them to focus so much on accomplishing their end goal, that they undervalue the opportunity to learn countless lessons and skills along the way.
For their dad and I, it has been both essential and difficult to allow ourselves the grace needed to value our journey, simply for the journey it has been. Like many others I imagine, we have had to maneuver curves, withstand bumps, navigate detours and forge ahead in the face change. We have learned to extract joy from the seemingly small successes, while accepting that our preset goals have yet to be met.
Adjusting Our Vision
We have cultivated self-worth, awareness and acceptance through changing our perspective on what success looks like. While at one point, success for he and I looked like earning a bachelor’s degree in physics and attending seminary to become a Lutheran Pastor, respectively, it currently looks a bit more like providing our boys with a stable, safe, home where love acceptance and accountability are exampled. It looks like raising our boys to be life-long learners who strive to discover their gifts and create a life of independence, balance and an all around healthy well-being.
And while our preset goals may still be attainable, and we ourselves are no less worthy of attaining them, our main focus is to use our hard fought for understanding that all parts of the journey have purpose, to help our boys live in that knowledge as a principle and have it as a tool, rather than a byproduct of struggle or diverted goals.
https://makeshiftmasterpiece.com/processing-success
