Processing Success

There have been many times in my life that I have wanted to be successful. When I was young, I had dreams of being a gymnast. As a teenager I was highly interested in becoming a detective. As time went on, I began to recognize the reality of my situation. (As mentioned in earlier posts, I live with Cerebral Palsy.)

I am not saying I am not capable of many things, but the facts are that there are many obstacles that make basic daily functions difficult. ( Just for example, I am unable to operate a motor vehicle, my spatial relations are severely affected and my hand eye coordination leaves much to be desired.) This on top of the fact that I admit to being a perfectionist, has caused quite a few seemingly insurmountable hurdles. I think the best way to explain it is, I have always felt like there is a disconnect between my intellectual desires and abilities and my desires and abilities surrounding actual application of the necessary functions involved to accomplish the visions I have for myself.

I have had to come to terms with the reality that some things will forever be out of my grasp. Now, hear me out: I know this is true for everyone. I know that each of us have both skills and struggles in every area. Once again, this is not a statement of pity but of comradery.

Let Me Paint a Picture

Oddly enough, I have always had an incredible desire to achieve physical goals. In high school, I took a weightlifting course, and in my late 20’s I spent a year training to run a half marathon. I am quite certain that neither of these choices were wise for my long term physical wellbeing, but my mental stability depends on intense movement. (One of the many musts in my life that defy what seems like common sense.)

Processing Success

I suppose that’s what I am getting at: If I truly want something, and I am at all capable of even trying it, I have decided that’s enough and I am going to give it a go. I am going to let go of the idea that if it is not as perfect as the picture I have created in my head, that deems the process unworthy or the experience gained any less valuable. I am going to put in the effort, even if the end result doesn’t bring me the success I am ultimately hoping for.

After all, I never did run that half marathon, but I did succeed at running up to eight miles a day, for a short bit of time, and I feel that I gained perspective and insight I would not have otherwise.

Now, that is not to say that I am not going to be selective about my efforts, for, being a mom of two young boys, at 40 years old, and living with CP, does limit my time and energy to a decent extent, but I am giving myself the opportunity to go after what I honestly feel I am called to. I am allowing myself to experience what pulls at my soul.

Recognizing Success

Learn to make the process, growth and experience gained, the desired accomplishment, and the end result will always be success.