About a week ago, the boys and I had a great day. You know what we did? Life. We did life.
Looking Back
Before I became a parent, I had a basic idea of what everyday life would look like. (After all, I had spent a great deal of time with other people’s children, both by choice and necessity).
After I had kids, realized that idea would be what I wanted everyday to look like. Eventually I came to terms with the reality that everyday would seldom resemble anything remotely close to the clearly uninformed and inexperienced ideas I had in my head.
But…. every now and again one of those days does happen. A day where the boys and I connect in a different way than just parent and child. Our relationship is more than child and authority figure. More than rule maker and ruler tester. (Read that as typical parent child struggles with children that are very loved.)
Every once in a while we have a day of obvious growth and understanding. One filled with mutual and chosen respect. On those days, I am able to see that what is exampled to my boys is actually absorbed by them, despite my frequent doubt.
Trudging Through
Recently I have been doing my best to explain to them that the less time, effort and patience I have to spend mediating arguments, picking up messes and redoing various chores that are often quickly undone by young rambunctious energy, the more time, I have to give them.
On Repeat
Most days I feel like a broken record. And then… there is a much needed day (probably created by some type of unicorn magic, and nothing I actually do or don’t do,) when it all comes together.
A day when the boys play well and are constructive rather than destructive. A day when I can actually complete chores and maybe even accomplish an item or two that is on the backup list of long overdue tasks. A day when I am the mom, the person, the energy I desperately want to be all the time.
I have learned to not only recognize these days, but also cherish them, storing them as reserve memories, there to lean into on the days I find my emotions and resilience depleted.
Now, when I say that the boys and I did life, here’s what I mean:
Self Spoken Accountability
In all of my efforts, I have come to realize that I too have many days that are filled with my own personal arguments, messes that I make and could have avoided with intentional direction and time that I use in a less than productive fashion, because I lose focus and get distracted by the constant influx of stimuli from social media and the like. Not to mention the tendency I have to use less than helpful self talk, when feeling overwhelmed.
I own, that I too would have more time to accomplish my goals, if I were more focused with the time I have available, and perhaps I would benefit from respecting myself, goals and time, in the same way that I am teaching my children to.
Humble Journey
No matter the title, position or authority we hold in life, in humility and mutual respect there is room for growth, adjustment, improvement and success.
I really love this one. As the mom of two young kids, one who has special needs, I feel like I have very few days where we are just doing life. Most days feel like constant fighting and yelling (yes, me included, I’m working on it.) This post makes me feel less alone.
There is nothing easy about being a mama. I too am working on not adding to the chaos of our day with my dysregulation. Many days I feel as though I have merely added more turmoil, and I too am working on it. You are not alone, of that I am personally sure.