Nine Years of Experiment Us

Nine years ago, I went online to collect data for a psychology experiment/assignment, which led to chatting with a guy, which led to coffee and a walk down a dirt road. Not too much further down that road, came a baby boy, a marriage proposal and a commitment to however long our forever will be.

Since that time we welcomed a second baby boy, experienced amazing milestones, chaotic events out of our control, tremendous loss, incredible blessings and so many emotions that I don’t have words for. (Seems as though I ended up creating the data I was originally searching for.)

Today marks 9 years since our first in person meeting. Nine years since I sat outside a tiny coffee house, after our date ended and knew that everything I thought I had decided upon, for my future plans, had just changed. For at the very least, my plans now included him.

I have learned a lot in those 9 years, and if I had to sum the most important lessons up, they would read a bit like this…

Learn To

-Laugh, at yourselves as individuals and as a couple.

-Strive to be, not just do.

-Work at listening without needing to respond. There isn’t always an answer.

-Recognize the importance of being wrong. It invites opportunity for new and fresh perspectives.

-Learn to argue well. Arguments are often differences of opinion that are difficult to express without a push of adrenaline. Allow them to take place with the intention of moving forward together, and honoring both thought processes, in a healthy way. (Definitely a learned practice, for us.)

-Be intentional in your word choice. They say talk is cheap, but the truth is it can cost you and/or your partner a fortune in emotional and psychological currency.

-Value and acknowledge each other’s contributions. Work toward creating an environment desired by both individuals.

-Recognize that intimacy happens in many forms. Express the form you need and offer the form your partner needs.

-Support each other’s healthy pastimes, even if they don’t seem productive or worthwhile to one another. Creating space for personal pleasure, without fear of judgment, creates space for transparency and honest communication.

-Effort determines outcomes. It takes work to make it work.

And presumably the most important lesson I have learned thus far…

Remember

It’s worth it. The laughter, the tears the frustration, the joy the amazement the question, the exhaustion the excitement. The seemingly relentless, often daunting, overwhelming and unexplainable process is worth each moment, because it is merely moments, we have.