Pssst. Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes being an adult is less than appealing. You know, the bills, the jobs, expectation and demands. Oh wait, you feel the same? Ok. Don’t worry I’ll keep our not so secret, secret between us.
Oh, I have another secret, something no one talks about very much. Guess what? Being a kid isn’t all that easy or rosy either. No, really.
Consider It
Seriously think about it. Think about it from a perspective that doesn’t revolve around the idea that if a child’s basic needs are met, he/she/they have no reason to struggle, express an array of emotions or question the circumstances and/or environment.
Think about it in terms of being around 40 years old and having countless expectations placed upon you, and the fact that even with lots of practice, understanding and coping skills, you still get overwhelmed, you sometimes over react and you may have difficulty regulating yourself in certain situations or when presented with certain stimuli.
Tools and Escapes
Think about what your go to response to any and/or all of the above situations is. It may be to take medication. It may be to enjoy an adult beverage or other legal psychoactive substances. It may include activities such as physical exercise, purchasing material goods, isolation, binge watching Netflix, or consuming copious amounts of chocolate.
Now, think about a young child. A child who is 3, has lived just over 1000 days. Even at 7 a child has lived a mere 2500 days, and yet we as adults often have an extensive list of expectations we place upon them.
Massive Milestones
For example, in just 1000 days we expect an able bodied child to go from being entirely dependent upon others to have all needs met, to being able to navigate their body as a whole, use at least 400 words, communicate their needs without excessive use of emotion, understand basic social etiquette, such as manners and sharing and begin to comprehend information such as numbers, letters, and shapes.
All of this from the womb to 3 years of age!
Reasonable Expectations
Now, I am not saying that stiving for these milestones and the many others that present themselves along the way, is necessarily a negative practice, but I am attempting to draw attention to the massive amount of changes that occur in a short amount of time, in a young life. Also, the idea that this pattern continues all throughout childhood. (And that is accounting for neurotypical tendencies, which fewer and fewer humans in general, posses these days.)
Children are constantly introduced to first-time situations, stimuli, experiences. Not to mention social and peer pressure. It’s no wonder they are often impulsive, reactive and dysregulated. Wouldn’t we as adults act in a similar fashion if we had no muscle memory or mental pathways created to rely on? The quick answer is, yes. Yes we would and yes we do, but what we have that many children don’t or are not allowed to have, are the above mentioned avenues to help us cope.
Children on the other had are often expected to cope, simply because that is what is expected. Anything else is typically considered a tantrum, public outburst, fit-throwing, or disrespectful behavior, and is met with punishment, scolding, loss of privilege or some type of scorn.
Fostering Success
Do not misunderstand my take. I do not advocate for the above mentioned behaviors, I instead advocate for allowing necessary processes to take place, possibly multiple times, so that a young mind is able to develop the needed skills and understanding to cultivate proportionate well-rounded behaviors.
It’s Hard To Be A Human
So, while adulting is stressful, it’s also tough being. tiny. Let’s face it, it’s just plain, hard to be a human..
Let’s be in this together.
Well said